If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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