dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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