OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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