hell yes lets make some ravioli
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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