So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
