It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
