so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
