Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
