So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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