Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
