chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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