I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
