Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
