His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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