Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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