it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
