i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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