Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Still dying that you shit outside
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
