All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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