So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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