Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
