I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
