so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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