Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
