so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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