oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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