She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The power of my boobs compel you
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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