I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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