My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
