Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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