Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
