she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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