New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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