: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just had sex bonerless
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
