I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
