I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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