so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
