Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
