We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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