Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
