but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
