sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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