i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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