she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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