12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
