i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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