i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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