You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
