i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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