Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
