I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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