Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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