MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
