This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just gift wrapped bread.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Houston, we have a squirter
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
