Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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