Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
