No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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