I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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