I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
