I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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