her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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