i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
