there's paper in my vomit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
