Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
