the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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