It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
