the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
