Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
