Little spoons don't ask big questions
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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