I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
