Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
