Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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