I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize